Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Take Better !
Wow I haven't written in soo long . Its been like months and months . There has been so much going on . Well the semester is finally over and I think I passed pattern drafting with flying colors hopefully . I wasn't playing around this time .As far as my other classes . I think I did ok i guess Ill see when I see.
Omg things with babycakes have been so bad lately . These last 4 months have just been the worst ever . Our relationship is so bad indescribable . All the things I was afraid of happening with us has happen . Everything when I say everything I mean everything . Nothing is good , I cant think of anything good to say about our relationship . I just feel so stupid for being in it period. He hurts me so much just on a daily basic . I wanna let go but he doesn't want me to . its like he doesn't want me but he doesn't want me to have anyone else . its just so selfish and evil . Its so sad because i feel like I'm neglecting everyone for him like including myself . Most times I feel like i love him more than myself. It honestly shouldn't be that way . I shouldn't have to feel to vulnerable & sad all the time . I finally let him go but it didn't last long now i think I'm back to square one again ugh . It was sad week and a half but at least it was peaceful . Now i have to deal with the bullshit again. I deserve so much better . I keep saying to him and even myself I don't deserve this . I don't need this . But i gotta be about it haha . I think I need time to myself without any man even though i have this loser guy I hardly like taking up some of my time . I have to try my hardest to be done with Babycakes . Its just so hard when I try I miss him so much . Then I do some crazy thing acting out to get his attention.I need to get it together .
Omg things with babycakes have been so bad lately . These last 4 months have just been the worst ever . Our relationship is so bad indescribable . All the things I was afraid of happening with us has happen . Everything when I say everything I mean everything . Nothing is good , I cant think of anything good to say about our relationship . I just feel so stupid for being in it period. He hurts me so much just on a daily basic . I wanna let go but he doesn't want me to . its like he doesn't want me but he doesn't want me to have anyone else . its just so selfish and evil . Its so sad because i feel like I'm neglecting everyone for him like including myself . Most times I feel like i love him more than myself. It honestly shouldn't be that way . I shouldn't have to feel to vulnerable & sad all the time . I finally let him go but it didn't last long now i think I'm back to square one again ugh . It was sad week and a half but at least it was peaceful . Now i have to deal with the bullshit again. I deserve so much better . I keep saying to him and even myself I don't deserve this . I don't need this . But i gotta be about it haha . I think I need time to myself without any man even though i have this loser guy I hardly like taking up some of my time . I have to try my hardest to be done with Babycakes . Its just so hard when I try I miss him so much . Then I do some crazy thing acting out to get his attention.I need to get it together .
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